The Relationship Question
This isn’t so much about my relationship, but rather the lack thereof. I’ve come to consider myself a renegade of sorts, convincing myself that I’m content with loneliness. Why do I always run when too much emotion is involved? Every person comes with their faults and I’ve found that my tactic in any relationship is to focus only on the bad, convincing myself they’re not right for me, tricking myself into thinking it’s them when it’s really me. How do I know that I’m ready to let down my wall?
The Relationship Advice
Thank you for sharing your situation. Building up a wall often occurs because we were taught at some point that that’s what we had to do to be safe. The irony is that putting up a wall doesn’t really protect us, it just keeps us from building satisfying relationships. By trying to protect ourselves we end up isolating ourselves and it has the opposite effect of what we really want. It takes some work to let down a wall and allow other people in but anyone who wants to can do it. You’ll know you’re ready when you start doing it.
The good news is that it’s not good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just a behavior you learned at some point. Behaviors can be changed with conscious effort. You might find it helpful to just work little by little on bringing down the wall. You don’t have to do it all at once, it’s actually better if you do it slowly.
At first it will feel weird, possibly uncomfortable. That’s normal because it takes time to practice new behaviors. Stick to taking small steps and keep practicing. Each time you notice that you get a positive result, celebrate what a great job you’re doing. Over time you’ll get more comfortable. Expect that you will experience failure or people who won’t want to get to know you. None of that changes the fact that you are a great person. You’ll also experience successes.
If you need help it’s a good idea to talk with a counselor who can help you learn new skills. This is your life we’re talking about and you’re an important person. Remember that you’re an amazing, valuable person who deserves to build relationships with great people.