Free Online Relationship Advice

He Wants Space

The Relationship Question

I was set up on a blind date and it went perfectly. He and I have an insane amount of things in common and things were going well for for the first 3-4 weeks. He then told me he loved me and it scared him because of how his marriage ended a year and a half ago. She supposedly cheated on him with a younger man and it ended badly. A few days after he told me he loved me but that he wanted “space” to deal with his emotional issues. Do you think that was his easy way out to blow me off? What does”space” mean?

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always important to pay close attention to what people say and do in a relationship. He’s telling you some very specific things and behaving in ways that mean something. You get to decide what you do to take care of yourself and move your life in a positive direction.

You might find it helpful to think about what he might be trying to tell you. For example: In a healthy relationship people are emotionally available for each other and want to spend time together. What is his behavior telling you?

It’s always a good idea to date people who are fully available. That means that they’re ready to have a relationship with you and devote their time and energy to making it work. Take some time to think about what’s best for you and how you want to be treated. Don’t forget to listen to your intuition, it’s telling you what’s really going on.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is there for you exclusively and treats you the way you want to be treated. You’re worth it.

He Doesn’t Want Kids

The Relationship Question

I have a dilemma. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year, known him for a while. I’m head over heels basically. A few days ago, after bringing up a future which we’ve talked about before, he ignores me for a while and tells me we should break up. He doesn’t want kids, ever. I want to have children and this topic seems to split us right down the middle. I told him I never wanted kids and I’d settle for that…but I feel depressed…I’m young, I know…but should I just deal with this?

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s not uncommon for people to disagree on important issues in a relationship. You might find it helpful to ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do:

  • What do I really want in life?
  • What is positive about my current relationship and what is negative?
  • What can I do to improve the situation?
  • What can I do to make sure my point of view is heard?
  • What kind of person do I see myself with in the long run?
  • What issues are a deal breaker for me?
  • What do I need in a relationship?

Once you do some careful thinking about questions like these you can talk calmly and kindly with your boyfriend. Make sure you each listen to one another without reacting or getting upset. The idea is to tell him what’s important to you and get an idea what he’s thinking so you can make a decision for yourself.

It will be up to you to decide if this is the type of relationship you’re looking for. Remember that you both deserve to be in a relationship that fits your needs.

Still Have Feelings for Him

The Relationship Question

After fourteen months of liking this one guy, I’m completely stuck. I’ve tried telling myself I’m over him, but it doesn’t work. At one point I did believe I was over him, but something tiny happened and that was it. I found I still had these feelings. When it first started we talked about it and he said he felt the same, however I believe I merely scared him as it fizzled out a few weeks later and hasn’t been spoken of since. But I really like him. I’m not even sure if he knows that anymore.

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s difficult to get over a relationship. To get a clearer idea of what’s going on you might try to set up a time when you both can talk kindly and calmly. You don’t have to have a long conversation, it’s a good idea to keep it brief. Let each person talk for up to five minutes while the other listens. Don’t react or comment, just listen to each other. You can repeat this process as many times as you both feel is appropriate, the idea is to just learn about each other.

If he wants to talk with you then you’ll learn more about him through your conversations. If he doesn’t want to talk then you’ve discovered something else about him. In any relationship, you decide what kind of person you want to be with and what behaviors you’ll accept.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who cares for you and is willing to put the time and effort into working on things with you. Don’t forget to take some time to become the healthiest and most balanced person you can be on your own. You have many talents and abilities whether someone else is in your life or not.

Asking a Guy Out at Work

The Relationship Question

While I’m not currently in a relationship, I’m wanting ask out a guy I work with but I’m not sure if he’s interested and I don’t want to make the work environment awkward. I work at a plumbing company and I run the front desk and he is one of our plumbers. Most of our guys usually come in through the back door where as he always comes in through the front. He’s always very chatty with me (more so than the other guys), asking how my move went and if I got a new car. So should I go for it?

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you whom you want to pursue a relationship with. You might find it helpful to just keep getting to know him and learning about him as a friend. Keep talking with him, asking questions and telling him about you. Eventually you’ll know if he’s a good fit for you.

Please keep in mind that workplace relationships can be difficult if something goes wrong because you’ll keep seeing the person whether you want to or not. It’s up to you to decide what’s appropriate for you and how your decisions might affect your life.

Keep in mind that all you need to do to start a relationship is to be your wonderful self and be friendly. Along the way, make sure you take care of yourself and date people who treat you kindly.

He Has Trust Issues

The Relationship Question

My boyfriend and I have had a very complicated relationship. Before we made it official, he secretly went on a date with a coworker and he was “choosing” between his ex and me. One night, I went out with a guy friend who liked me (I told my friend that I was kind of “with” someone so nothing could happen) well he found out I went out and ever since, has had trust issues with me. I am not one to cheat and this was all before we went out but I don’t know what to do.

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can tell how a relationship is likely to unfold by how it starts. The way your boyfriend is behaving now is likely to be the way he will in the future. Perhaps you could do some thinking about what kind of relationship you want so you can find people who will be a positive fit. Ask yourself some questions such as:

  • What kind of person do I want to date?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What’s important to me in a partner?
  • What kind of person do I deserve in my life?
  • What have I learned from this experience?

These types of questions will help you figure out what you want to do. The key is to ask people to treat you well and do the same for them. You might also consider talking kindly and calmly with him and telling him how you feel and encouraging him to do the same. Make sure to listen to each other without interrupting or getting upset.

You can’t do anything about how he feels or acts but you can have some kind conversations so that you can get on the same page. If he’s not willing to communicate or work on things then you’ll need to decide what you want to do. Remember that you deserve to date people who want to work things out, not just make you feel bad about them.